Posts Tagged ‘ open letter ’
Of course, my friend is much more polite in his open letter:
Dear sir or madam:
Please stop breaking into my car. I cannot afford to continue funding your drug habit with the possessions in my automobile. While I appreciate that you only broke a window this time instead of taking items, you may recall that this is because you already took everything worth stealing last time. Unless you are affiliated with Safelite AutoGlass (or their parent company Belron US Inc.), there is absolutely no profit to be made from subsequent break-ins.
I urge you to respect the fact that I have already generously subsidized one lovely evening of hard drug use, as well as provided you hours of wholesome entertainment with my unicycle and juggling torches. As much as it pains me to be so intractably selfish, there is simply nothing more I can do for you. I ask that you leave my car unmarred next time you should happen upon it on the street. Thank you for your anticipated cooperation.
Very truly yours,
If any of you see a unicycle and some juggling torches in Brooklyn that appear hastily set aside, please let Mike know.
And this is not sarcasm – seriously, give him back his stuff.