Fear Me, I Bring Death

It’s not quite as funny as that episode of Family Guy where Death gets injured and Peter takes over, but I seem to have the skill to bring death to those I see on the television.

My first act of mortality came casually. I was 15 or so, scanning the magazine racks at one of the favorite hangouts on the Promenade. On the cover of a music magazine was the [rather large] face of Big Pun, and I made a remark of, “Man, I wonder how he can breathe; he’s so big! He looks like a giant baby.” My BFF was with me, and we giggled over the picture.

A week or two later, he was dead. My BFF called me and started off with, “Remember how we were making fun of Big Pun? Well…he died.”

Of course, I felt bad. It felt like I had issued the hit to my button men of health and they took him out.

Fast forward to 2005. Glenn and I were still dating at that point; we were chatting when I told him my Big Pun story. Then the words fly from my fingers: “It was completely random. Like if I mentioned Peter Jennings.”

World News Tonight on ABC came on with the announcement that someone is filling in for Peter Jennings. I panicked for a second, but realized that the Pope had just passed away and that he might be traveling to cover the funeral.

A few days later, Glenn sends me an email with a news link that breaks Peter Jenning’s announcement of being diagnosed with lung cancer. “You really did kill him” were the words that accompanied the link.

However, I take absolutely no blame in the tragic car accident that took the life of Nick Adenhart early this morning. Yes, I was there last night at The Studio Bar. Yes, I watched the Angels game with Glenn, Greg, Jeff, Reese, and Bill. Yes, I told my Peter Jennings story.

But I can’t take credit for this one.

What Does “The L Word” Mean?

Liar.

That’s the L word I’m going to apply to the show from now on.

A couple of weeks ago I made a post about how I had made “The Chart”. My name, with the exact same spelling, was right underneath the name Tina was writing on the board to reflect Bette’s infidelity.

That was kind of funny.

Now I’m annoyed by a more recent turn of events.

I’ve just finished Season Four. Apart from the seemingly outrageous plot twists that have been coming up, the straw that broke the camel’s back was this one:

wtf


“The L Word” cast supposedly lives in and around the LA area. Most of the filming is shot in Canada for cost purposes. My guess is that the section of Canada they film in has a Dunkin Donuts in the area, because Paige is enjoying a hot cup of something that has the oh-so-familiar pink and orange logo. And that is a huge lie.

Los Angeles does not have Dunkin Donuts.

Don’t lead people to think we’ve got them here, Showtime. You can’t try and tell me, “It’s just fiction!” I enjoy Dunkin Donuts too much for you to pull that card.

Because the Poor Have Time to Kill

script frenzy

script frenzy



I signed up for this. It should keep me out of trouble this month, especially since I am getting a few pennies back from the Federal Government (CA has yet to be calculated).

Unlike National Novel Writing Month, I won’t get caught struggling for mundane ideas to fill up the pages. My script will be a series of short films whose stories will be based on whatever free iTune song is available for the week, regardless if I like it or not.

So figure it’s about 4 songs for the month of April, which will be 4 short films, which breaks down to about 25 minutes (pages) apiece. This shouldn’t be too bad. My scriptwriting class in college asked for a 30-page script by the end of the 16 week semester and I managed to crank out two shorts based on Haruki Murakami stories.

Fun fact: somehow I managed to get a A in the class, despite the fact that I didn’t show up for “finals” and that my story line was too “abstract” for it to be sold in Hollywood.

Best Work-Related April Fool

Corporate America people are not that creative when it comes to pranks. More often than not it’s the removal of a stapler or the phone getting unplugged so you can’t make calls.

It helps when you work with someone who celebrates Halloween to its fullest; you know for sure that something will go down on April 1st. And she got me and the IT department good last year.

I have a snazzy wireless keyboard and mouse on my desk at work. The biggest downfall of these two is that I don’t really know when the batteries need to be recharged until one or the other stops working completely. So on April 1, 2008, I figured this happened when my mouse stopped working.

Of course, I was going to troubleshoot as much as possible before I went to Prop Ops to get new batteries. I shook it, I double checked the cables for the router to the keyboard and mouse, restarted the computer, and readjusted the position of said router in case of obstruction.

No dice.

I realized the inevidable and got up to get batteries. And it wasn’t until I flipped the mouse over did I see this covering the laser:

Day 92: April Fool


At first I thought IT had played this joke on me, because one of them had been hovering around my desk. When I called to say, “Haha guys, real funny,” I was told that the same thing happened down in their office.

It turns out that the Halloween Diva had taken the liberty of creating the stickers and going around to our desks to screw with us.

It was a pretty funny work joke. The sad part is, I know she only did this to about 3 other people besides myself, because no one else would have gotten the gist of it. :\

P.S.Happy half-birthday, Paula Bergan!

Hot Star Maps Release Party

hot-star-maps

My good friend and white Jewish twin, Pam Shaffer, is about ready to release a new E.P. this Sunday, April 5th.

Click on the pic above to get the release party info, or just drop me a line. Sexy librarians, fun times, and schmoozing with a bunch of musicians and artists – what more can you ask for?

Yes, I Think I Can [Back-Up] Host

A couple of weeks ago I posted this in the hopes that I might get selected to be Will’s fill-in on Be The Marriage. Being one who hates suspense, I thought I’d wait ’til after the show to find out who the winner was. Unfortunately, a night of dinner with my parents, followed by a Korean soap opera, wasn’t too thrilling, so I caught the last 30 minutes.

I was pleasantly surprised to learn that I was the runner-up for the show.

Some of you might say, “But you didn’t win! How is that good?”

I say to the some of you: being a runner-up is a pretty damn good thing. Look at the list of American Idols. A lot of times we forget who won, but we usually remember who the runner-up was.

In Loving Memory

I only met him once, and spent only a few hours with him, but I have to say that this was one of the sweetest dogs I’ve ever come across:

Day 66: boodha and bella


The one standing, Boodha, passed away last Thursday. He had cancer, but he was a real trooper: apart from some struggles in standing up after a nap, he’d lumber along, happy as a clam.

Boodha was a German Shepherd/Rottweiler mix; I was a little bit nervous in meeting him because the temperment of both breeds is on the notorious side. He totally displaced any fears I had when he came up and gave me a doggie kiss – it was like having a big teddy bear come up to you and shower you with affection.

I got the text from my friend Irma this evening: I’ve been meaning to tell u something but haven’t had the heart to tell you. [Boodha] was put to sleep last Thurs. I miss him! So weird going to work w/out him there.

It’s funny how much of an impact a dog can have on you, even if you only spend a moment with each other. Boodha, I hope you can find Whiskey and Murphy up in doggie heaven; you all can share cancer stories. And little smokies.

Blood On My Hands

Working in hospitality, you never know who will be on the other end of the line. I’ve received all kinds of bizarre calls, but today’s caller takes the cake.

A pilot staying at the hotel was disturbed by a housekeeper today, despite the fact that he had a Do Not Disturb sign on the door. I apologized for the disturbance and told him that I’d let our Director of Housekeeping follow up with him (I can’t really scold Housekeeping; they’d think I was trying to act high and mighty). The pilot asked me what I was going to do about it, and I repeated that I’d let our Director of Housekeeping follow up with him.

He proceeded to tell me that he could call the FAA because he hadn’t rested properly, and that if ended up crashing a plane with 200 passengers, the blood would be on my hands. The news media would come up to me and ask why I let the situation go by so casually.

Usually I’d be plenty sore after a stupid comment like that, but this one cracks me up. I’d be pissed as well if housekeeping woke me up, but hey…it’s not kosher to say that I’m responsible for the possible death of lots of people (although the thought of having that kind of power without actually committing the deed is kind of neat).

Let’s hope for his sake I don’t end up in a car accident on the way home. Then you all can blame him for sending bad vibes that caused me to get hurt.

Friendship Is…

…when you answer the phone around 22:30 PST (01:30 EST) because one of your best friends in NYC calls and you think someone’s died.

Or because (and I know Will can appreciate this) your best friend thinks she has a mouse living in her kitchen.

Due to the fact that my roommate goes to bed on the early side, I am now used to things shutting down around the house by 9:30 at the latest on weekdays. Anything that happens afterwards has me thinking that either someone died or I’m required to rush to a hospital. Which is why I panicked when my phone rang.

To kind of ease her fear on hearing that little scratch-scratch in walls, I shared some bits on how Will came across a mouse in his kitchen and nearly died* and my own unsuccessful attempts to get my lab to at least scare the mice in the house. I also warned her not to get those poisoned food pellets, because the mice will always die in inconvenient places (such as in the wall close-enough-but-not-at-the-vent; nothing’s worse than smelling rotten mouse for two weeks).

We ended with the conclusion that she should borrow a friend’s cat and that eventually she should switch out the cat with a chihuahua.

*I don’t know if Will nearly died, but it seemed pretty damn sure that he was close to having a heart attack.

K Thx Bye

Dear Murphy,

I miss you lots, but please stop leaving dog hair on my clothing. We’ve vacuumed the house twice already and you’ve been gone for nine months. I put some in your box as a keepsake, so there’s no need to add more.

And don’t try to blame the dogs from Bill Foundation, ’cause no one in the puppy room is that white with straight hairs.

Love,

Me