Why I’m Tired Of Online Dating

Like many, many other women in Los Angeles, I do the online dating thing. And I’ll admit that I’m a veteran of ten-plus years (although I don’t really count OK Cupid – I used it for the fun quizzes during the early 2000’s). While I’ve met some incredible and not-so-incredible guys from various sites, there’s always one constant that irks me: dirty messages. Not cute dirty messages, but the straight up foul ones. For example:

http://theletterkae.tumblr.com/post/113986464409/i-dont-know-about-you-but-i-doubt-a-guy-would


http://theletterkae.tumblr.com/post/113984671184/replies-id-like-to-send-but-wont-1-i-like-all



When I was still in my twenties, I used to get messages like those a LOT. If it wasn’t about their penis, it was about how they *loved* Asian girls. Since I’ve entered my early thirties, the amount has decreased – not significantly, but enough where I don’t feel compelled to turn off my profile and wait for the crazy to die down.

Until I got this one in my inbox:
Screenshot_2016-03-03-23-12-24

I’m bummed that I didn’t log in before this guy disabled his profile. I kinda wanted to see the face of the person who thought this was a great ice breaker (although knowing my luck, it was probably a faceless, shirtless pic of pecs and abs). And I think that’s what ended up bothering me. Usually when I get a crude message, there’s a picture of the person. It helps somehow to be able to see who’s being a jerk so I can neatly categorize and file info away into my “Approach With Caution” dating catalog. Without a face to the words, it’s like a black hole is calling out insults. And I can’t respond because it won’t go anywhere.

As much as I wanted to laugh it off, it left me feeling kind of…slimey. I didn’t like that a faceless stranger wanted to shove his penis inside of me and got excited thinking about it. It’s awkward enough to be asked if you’re interested in penis via text.

But when a cock knocks you down, push it away and get back up. (That’s a legit saying, right?) I started conversations with other guys and it always seemed to go south after sharing a couple of punny jokes. Twice I was asked if I would sit on faces about three lines after “how’s it going?” One asked me if I was wearing green underwear for St. Patrick’s Day and made a request that I at least wear “sexy panties” when we met for a drink. Another one (who took about three days to reply to a text) came up with this witty banter:

Capture 2

Capture 1

Capture 3

Capture 4

Capture 5

Capture 6

Capture 7

Capture 9


Spring was definitely in the air, but instead of new grass emerging from the snowy ground, it felt like young men’s erections were pushing through the dirt.

I complained bitterly to a male friend of mine about what I’d been through for the past few weeks. He was incredibly empathetic but since he lives on the East Coast, he could only stay awake for so long. So I reached out to a male acquaintance who was having similar dating issues. This conversation did not go well at all. (Apologies for the highlighted text boxes – for some reason my phone likes to make bright color boxes to indicate quick replies.)

idiot1

idiot2

idiot3

idiot4

idiot5

idiot6

idiot7

idiot8


So…yeah. It’s annoying (to say the least) that this is the norm for ice breakers. Other blog posts, BuzzFeed articles, and Tumblr have featured similar complaints from female writers, but I haven’t seen any slack in guys being so crude in their icebreakers.

Current status: waiting for my knight with the shining Macbook Air who starts a casual conversation before leading into sex talk.

  1. No comments yet.

  1. No trackbacks yet.