It’ll Be Cute

Sometime last night/early this morning (whatever you consider 3am to be), I woke up to hear the VBF say, “Oh HELL No.” This was followed by, “You need to see this.”

He was watching a horror version of “The Phantom of the Opera,” which had Julian Sands as the lead character. Because he’s nothing if not considerate, he’d kept the volume low while I slept, which meant he missed a lot of dialog but got a lot of screaming. It was partially the screaming and his “Oh HELL No” that gently shook me out of my slumber.

I’m not a fan of horror flicks, so I declined his offer. From the pattern of flickering lights in the room, I knew he was rewinding to the point he wanted me to see.

VBF: You need to see this.
Me: No.
VBF: C’mon, you love Julian Sands.
Me: I don’t do well with scary movies in the middle of the night.
VBF: Just watch it. It’ll be cute.
Me: I’m not wearing my glasses. (I was lying on my stomach and didn’t want to turn over.)
VBF: Put them on. It’ll be cute.

I knew he wouldn’t stop bugging me, so I obliged. A girl was screaming up and down a flight of stairs, desperately trying to find a way out. The Phantom (Julian Sands) discovers her; her screams increase in volume and desperation. The climax: Julian leans in and bites her tongue off.

Me: That wasn’t cute.
VBF: Did you see it?
Me: Not all of it.
VBF: You’re missing out.
Me: No, I’m not.
VBF: Why was she screaming with her tongue out?
Me: That wasn’t cute.
VBF: Aw…

He leaned in to kiss me, and I kept my lips shut. As cute as he is, I sure as hell wasn’t going to fall for that approach.

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