Keanu Reeves, Where Are You?

A few years back, I posted this picture:


If you remember the 8oz. Burger Bar that was on Melrose, and if you had a large enough party, you probably recall the large table that stood between the two rooms. What you may not know is that the table had drawers, and the drawers had notes stashed inside, written by other patrons. The note my party decided to contribute was this:


I made a joke about leaving a love note there with vague hopes of meeting my next boyfriend (a la “The Lakehouse”). After all, it doesn’t get any worse than popping letters into a box and hoping that someone else will read them, right? (And hopefully won’t show up a year or two in the past for a soon-to-be traffic victim to read.) It’d probably be safer than posting a personals ad on Craigslist.

These days I’ve gone back into the world of online dating. It’s part of the process to get back into a normal lifestyle after last year, but man, it’s a lot of work. Right now I think I’m attracting the ones who are ready to just jump into a full-blown relationship, with a focus on marriage by next year. That’s all well and good, but I’m finding it tricky to communicate with guys clearly. If you’ve taken the time to fill out sections of an online dating profile, I’d like to think that you also recall what it was you wrote about yourself.

For example: one guy put in his profile that he spent a lot of time around the Third Street Promenade area in Santa Monica. Having run out of steam in the “ice breaker” part of our emails, I thought I’d mention that I used to hang out there a lot as a teenager, with some commentary on how much it’s changed in the past fifteen years. The response I received was along the lines of, “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Confused, I double checked his profile, found the specific line, and quoted him in the next email.

I didn’t realize you were referring to something I had noted in my profile. Woops! Yeah, usually when I go out there I just go to the Barnes and Noble and read for a while.

It was probably bitchy of me to go back and quote him, but hey, that was about you. Or so you’d like for me to believe. I stopped talking to this one – if it’s not coming back to mind right away, then who knows how much else is “true?”

The next gem came from another guy: you seem like such a sweet girl…where are you from originally. Would you be interested in talking more…?

Two things made me grit my teeth:
1. Punctuation was not constant. Having spent years studying English, occasionally contributing to two geek culture blogs in the past, and the added pressure of Asian parents makes for a Grammar Nazi.
2. I wrote in my profile that I’m from Chicago but grew up in LA (which is probably too much information). This section is at the very start of my profile. If you didn’t take the time to read it and just looked at my picture, I have a pretty good idea of what you’re looking for.

I thought I’d give this guy the benefit of the doubt and looked to see if his profile was written the same way. It had pretty decent punctuation and wasn’t worded at all like his email. Little warning bells went off: if your messages don’t match the writing style in your profile, then I’m going to pass.

The following day, this popped up in my inbox: i noticed that you took a look at my profile but i didint see any response mesaage from you….i guess you just arent interested in this great guy. lol

Once again, lack of punctuation was a deal breaker. Also, I’m not quite sure where the “lol” is coming from – maybe a sarcastic laugh at my poor decision to not connect?

Dating is a tricky thing, especially at the starting stage. Where’s Keanu Reeves when I need him?!

  1. I hear Keanu Reeves misuses apostrophes.

  2. HA! To the bottom of my dating list he goes.

  3. Morressey, re-Scheduled…
    yeah, I’m bummed too.

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