Blue is the Color…

…of my emotional sky. And it’s a sad shade of blue.

Feel free to insert any Donovan jokes here.

It’s almost been a whopping 2 months since I was laid off, but man, no one told me about the depression. How do you year-long people manage/survive?! The boredom I was expecting and was well versed in by friends, but the depression… If it weren’t for the car payments and the Cymbalta, I’d have a very faint grasp of…well, whatever it is that is the opposite of my current state of doom.

I find it’s not the rejection or the lack of response from postings after emailing them back a few times. It’s the lack of interaction with society as a whole. Sure, I hated the public as much as the next person. But when you don’t even have an asshole yelling at you over the phone because they didn’t get a suite for their Hotwire booking, you kind of miss it.

Hell, I even miss the annoying co-workers in separate offices who have absolutely no idea that they’re sending print requests of porn to the color printer right next to my desk.

Normally I’d take this opportunity to visit museums and state parks, but because I do not have any income at the moment, I have to put that idea on hold. Libraries are my friend, but lack the level of interaction that I’m looking for.

I don’t mean to beg, but if you’ve got a spare moment during the day and could say hello, please do. (Wow, I feel like an old lady stuck at the retirement home asking for this.) Sometimes I feel like I was tucked away with the silver to be presented on special occasions, but I can still entertain you during regular ol’ pizza night.

And thanks for listening if you made it this far.

  1. Any time you want to have a broke-gals night, you are welcome at my pad. I always have coffee. I think I’d go without shampoo before I’d go without coffee. My dvd player works, and sometimes, the vcr does too. Anyway, all of the glory that is my humble abode is available for my friends to share.

    • Glenn B
    • January 25th, 2010 11:27pm


  2. You sound like me right now. I actually have been having a problem being employed and a little depressed about a job search in SF. Nothing seems to be hiring or in my area of expertise. There are hundreds of other people probably applying to the same job as me. It does bring down your ego a bit when you have filled out so many job applications, sent in so many resumes, and just haven’t got a bite.

    All I can say is keep your head up. I’d look for things to do like going to museums right now (cheap or free). Taking up digital photography, reading on the beach, and just taking this time to write on your blog to keep you in more of an upbeat mood. I know it may not be much, but it will probably help you feel less upset and feel like you’re also getting something done. Blogging about it might even help those that are in the same boat as you. You’re not alone. Don’t fret and keep sending in those job applications. You’ll find something.

  3. There’s a lot here I can relate to. Wish I had words of wisdom, but in this case, I think my friend @missdestructo can offer more help:

  4. I know how you feel! When I found myself out of work at first I had a ball, but the disconnection from everyday life got harder and harder. I used to just take long walks through the city just to be out and amongst regular life.

    Now I work from home, and it’s kind of the same deal because that too can be very isolating. Even if I can’t be bothered at all, I always force myself out of the house at some point in the day, even if just to sit in a coffee shop with the paper for an hour or so. Not everything has to be an expensive day out, there are plenty of free things you can do, like heading to the markets to people watch or just taking some long walks.
    I hope you get some positive feedback soon in your job search. Good luck!

    • Clay
    • January 26th, 2010 7:52am

    I used to go give plasma for $$. Made me feel better looking at folks that needed $$ worst that I did. Then because of the meds I was on, my liver was taking a hit. They said I couldn’t give any more. I was pretty sure that crack heads were there but my Rx invalidated me.
    and HELLO! ;)

  5. Hi! I’m sorry you’re feeling down. Lots of museums have free days. I know the Autry’s free day is the second Tuesday of the month, and I have a suspicion that’s probably the day for most other museums too.

  6. My dear… I think we’ve all been through this in one way, shape or form. Heck, even those of us that are gamefully employed feel the depression that comes.

    One thing I can suggest is taking your laptop or books to public places that allow conversation at a normal speaking volume. Sure, you might get annoyed by some people but you’ll be around people, you’ll overhear conversations… you might engage in some conversations.

    By the way, you should call me because I have some news that will make you feel SO MUCH BETTER about your current situation. Seriously, no joke. It’s that bad.

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