Subject: *headdesk*

It’s a slow day in the office, and I was so efficient in the morning hours that it left me with nothing to do in the afternoon.

Until this Guest Assistance file popped into my inbox.

Note: the email below is taken in its exact context.

Can I just say that the fact that you do not have in room internet is a embarrassment?! Then on top of that when I go to the “business center” every other website I go to is closed (facebook, sportsline). Hey here is a tip, it is 2009!!!! dumba$$es you are the only hotel in the world that charges 9.99 a night for internet.

First off, the hotel I work at does have wifi connection in all 1,234 rooms. Where this guest’s wireless card is, I’m not sure.

Second, I’m not sure what hotel he was in, as the going wifi rate is $12.95 for 1 day or $5.95 for 1 hour.

Third, I’m thinking the first response was denied, since there’s the usage of the “$” instead of the letter “s” for “dumbasses”.

This is the standard response I crank out when we get internet fee complaints:

Dear [guest],

Thank you for taking your personal time to share comments from your recent visit to the [hotel]. Our individual guest feedback is absolutely the most useful tool in targeting areas of opportunity in the hotel and the most accurate method of measuring overall guest satisfaction. I know that you took time out of your day to share your thoughts with us and want to extend my gratitude.

The hotel is extremely conscious of any additional fees our guests incur, internet especially. Each month our Guest Services team completes a survey of our neighboring hotels to ensure our pricing structure is competitive in all areas. Our internet rates average about $12.95/24 hours and fall in the median range of the various hotels in the [Los Angeles] area. We are empathetic that additional fees are viewed as an inconvenience and I apologize that this may have had an impact on your visit.

Should you have any other comments or suggestions for us to help make your next stay a better one, please let me know.

Warm Regards,


I sincerely hope this guest gets annoyed enough to write back to me. :D

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